Why Is The Rum Always Gone?

I’m writing this as I’m lying in an ungainly position by the pool, slowly burning and feeling like I might spontaneously combust. It’s 28 degrees here, according to not-so-trusty Yahoo weather, but it feels about forty. What am I going to do in Australian summer? As I’m continuing to subject my already burnt skin to further distress, I’ve literally just noticed a band of about fifty men dressed in green arrive (it’s hard to miss them). They’ve got some sort of official dress on. Military? Members of the corrupt police force? Either way, they’re certainly a spectacle, and I’m watching them as they mill around and ask to take photos with every half naked girl around the pool. Bit weird, no?

Strange green men

Strange green men

Anyway, moving on from the green men (that’s a strange sentence). We finally had a much needed chilled day by the pool yesterday, and I had my first manicure! (Very unlike me). It wasn’t as luxurious as I expected, though, They sort of uncomfortably scrubbed at my nails while holding my arm at an inhuman angle across my body, before putting on about twenty layers of nail polish and holding my hand under a UV light. It was fun to be pampered though, and the nails have lasted so far.

We’d planned to go surfing in the afternoon after an morning unwinding by the pool, but we accidentally got drunk. You know, as you do. We got a free (sadly non alcoholic drink) and decided to spice it up with a bit of rum and mango juice (exotic). We’d forgotten that the mix we’d made up the other night was rather strong, and were soon lolling around in the pool, delightfully happy. I suddenly felt incredibly exhausted, and retired to bed, hoping for a quick pre-dinner nap. Sadly, as soon as my head hit the pillow, there was a rapping on the door: “housekeeping!” Sod’s law. They actually had come around to change our single beds to a king bed, as we were sneakily all sleeping in the same bed, despite having checked in for two. Such rebels.

So the nap was cut short, and we found dinner at the same place we’d had breakfast. We ordered an absurd amount of food, and the waitress majorly judged us. To cure our aching stomachs, we decided it’d be a good idea to get a massage in a dodgy back alley. They claimed that it was $5 for an hour, but in actuality it was about twenty minutes of pummelling, squeezing, mounting, attempting not to laugh, and keeping a keen eye on our possessions. Certainly a priceless experience. I think I ached more after the massage, but it certainly was something to tick off the bucket list. We then proceeded to wander the bustling streets, I bought a touristy “Bintang Beer” top, and we ended up by the beach. Honestly, I don’t think you can get better than the stars and the sound of the surf and the sea (check out my alliteration). We got approached by a strange young man, who sat down next to us and tried to befriend us. I think he was just trying to be friendly, but you can never be sure, sadly.

Over indulgent breakfast

Over indulgent breakfast

Once back at the hotel, the girls went rather mad and started dancing on the bed, waving their legs in the air. Once they’d calmed down, we curled up in our king size bed, and promptly fell asleep. I did wake up in the middle of the night with my face about one inch from my friends though, which scared the hell outta me…

And now I’m back in my over decorated college room, desperately missing the country, the people, and most of all the sun. I literally don’t know what to do with myself. The flight was delayed, meaning we had time to buy two litres of duty free rum, and walked to the airplane accompanied by the typical student “clink”. They also confiscated our water twice, after I bought an extortionately priced small bottle after security. Well, probably not extortionately priced, just way above Bali prices. I’ve gotta get used to it sometime, I guess.

And so, in sum, what a holiday. Things I’ve ticked off my bucket list:

  • Jet skiing
  • Parasailing
  • Banana boating
  • Renting bikes (and falling off bikes!)
  • Climbing an active volcano
  • Indonesian temple
  • Traditional Indonesian and Balinese food (bloody spicy!)
  • Dodgy Balinese massage
  • Manicure
  • Monkeys

Tips: Avoid Kuta like the plague, unless you want to be harassed from all angles and get ripped off. Stay in hostels not hotels if you want an “authentic” experience. Learn to ride a motorbike before you ride it for the first time on a busy Balinese road…


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