On Dabbling in Sports and Other Pastimes

So last night was a blur. I think I was still drunk this morning because I had a dream that I was eating cheese strings in the lunch room (!) and woke up chewing on my earplug…disgusting, I know. I’m not really sure what that dream signifies or anything: maybe my inane love of cheese?

The night was pretty decent though, as far as I recall. We hit up a bar in Northbridge called “Jack Rabbit Slims”- a bit of a mouthful, I know. This was further improved by the fact that the band we saw were called “Psychedelic Porn Crumpets”! They certainly lived up to their spectacular name, despite the fact that they made any form of conversation very difficult. In this situation, I always resort to writing notes on my phone to facilitate discourse- something always rather amusing to read the next morning…


I’d managed to sneak in my hip flask, somehow- as you could very clearly see a hipflask shaped bulge in my shorts- and so I made regular trips to the bathroom to top up. On one particular occasion I asked for “cranberry juice”, but the bar person had to refer me to her colleague as she couldn’t understand what I was saying…is my English accent that indecipherable?! This was rather frustrating as it took about twenty minutes before anyone came to my assistance, and when they did it was the same person who had trouble lip reading “cranberry juice”. Suffice to say I gave up and ordered coke, regrettably.

Despite slowly destroying my liver, life here is really looking up. I’ve been exploring more of Perth on my trusty purple bike, and I’ve managed to break out of the boring work and going out routine. I went to a book sale the other day, and bought around forty books for $20. It was supposed to be a box full of books for $15, but I overfilled the box so much that it was more like a “box and a half”. I thought I could get away with it, but sadly not. Ah well, it was all for a good cause. I have yet to find out whether any of the books are any good, however. A couple of them look interesting: War Poetry, The Misuse of English in Australia, but the majority are probably crappy fiction books whose covers I liked. I was so desperate to fill the box that I kinda chucked in anything that looked cool. Educational, eh?

My trophies from the book sale

My trophies from the book sale

I’ve also been delving somewhat into the world of sport. I tried “Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Training Guide”- you’ve probably heard of it, and literally within the first five minutes I’d pulled some muscle that I don’t know the name of. Needless to say, it was pretty painful! I won’t be doing that again. Twelve-week bikini body? Sadly not.

I’ve also signed up to weekly badminton sessions for beginners, and since I’m not a beginner, this is a real confidence boost. That’s probably cheating, but I don’t really mind! In the first session I got my weird heart palpitation and felt like I was going to faint the whole time, but I battled through. I didn’t want to be deemed “too unfit” on my first session! Good start.

My last sport encounter was at the golf course. Now that’s a sentence I’ve never uttered before- I can’t play golf to save my life! We went to the driving range, which had a stunning view overlooking the city, but I struggled to hit the ball more than about thirty yards. Solid effort. Despite this, I actually loved it. Really damn cathartic.

Driving range with a view of the city

Driving range with a view of the city

Aside from the brief dabble in the sporting world, I’ve regrettably been bogged down with work. You know you’ve been working for too long when you’re re-reading an article for the tenth time without even realizing. I thought it looked familiar, but my brain was too numb to register this fact.

In fact, this whole blog post has been an unusually productive form of procrastination, so back to work I go. Wish me luck…


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